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| Having to choose between your lover and your best friend is sometimes inevitable. Who should you choose is never certain. In the end, whoever it is, whatever your decision is, breaks your heart. |
I first saw this boy at the canteen in our school. My eyes caught his and for a few seconds we were just staring at each other. I was at the same time busy trying to slow down my heartbeat which had accelerated. I was then the first one to look away, pretending that it didn’t mean anything. He was a really good looking boy with very deep-set eyes under dark eyebrows and cute lips under a nice perfect nose.
Surprisingly, he also joined the same organisation as I did. I was very happy and started to think that it was our destiny. I tried to always be at the same time at the same place as him, mostly at the canteen and every weekend when we had a meeting or event related to our organisation. However, we never talked to each other. What we did all the time in our meetings was only look into each other’s eyes. Until finally one sunny afternoon after school, I was waiting for a bus when he suddenly was standing next to me. I was so surprised and for a second I couldn’t believe that he was just right there. For the first time he said hi and talked to me. Our first conversation didn’t last long, but we continued having conversations in our next meetings at school, until one day…
One of my best friends at that time approached to talk to me. She said she’d noticed something. She said that she’d seen me talking to this boy a few times. I didn’t quite understand where she was going with her questions until she said she wanted to know him more personally. Right then, she, taking me by surprise, admitted having a crush on him.
I was a very shy girl. I didn’t talk about my feelings to anyone, including to those, I called my best friends. So, nobody knew about my crush on this boy, and I began to wish that I had told them. For quite a while, I didn’t know what to say since I wasn’t expecting this situation at all, but when she asked me to introduce her to him, I did say one thing.. That I promised to do it and I did. My friend was a very pretty girl and she was very popular. I kept asking myself why, of all the boys at school, did she like the same boy as I did. She could’ve chosen somebody else; she could’ve been with anyone. But why…
Not long after I introduced her to him, the boy came to me and said that he needed to talk. I was reluctant at first but then agreed to meet after school. When he said that he liked me, I almost told him that I also liked him but something stopped me from saying it. I was very sad and had to hold my tears when I said, “I’m sorry, but I don’t have the same feeling, and I don’t want us to be more than friends.” I could see he was confused. I could tell that he knew that I actually liked him, and he even asked me why. A question that I could never answer. He then left me without asking more questions.
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I could see his disappointment but I couldn’t stop thinking about my best friend who also shared the same feeling for him as I did… What hurt me the most was that he never talked to me again. Even though he never got together with my best friend, I kept wondering if I had made the right decision.
Ten years later, I bumped into him at the airport in the city where we lived. He had changed a lot, but I must admit, he looked very handsome in his uniform. The feeling came back the moment I looked into his eyes — the same eyes I had fallen in love with. Then he told me that he worked as a pilot for one of the national airlines. When I said, “Good for you. That’s what you’d always dreamt of.”, he went quiet for a moment before he smiled and replied softly, “You still remember.” Silence then suddenly broke upon us, awaking memories. Then nothing.
A quick good bye, wishing each other the best. As he walked away, I stared at his back, hoping that he’d turn around, but he never did. Then, I could feel my tears slowly running down my cheeks as I watched his shadow vanish in the distance.
“Are you okay?” I turned my head and saw the face of the man to whom I was married.
I nodded, reached his hand, and walked with him to the gate where the plane that took us to Bali was waiting. |
| "If only I could turn back time. If only I had said what I still hide. If only I could turn back time. I would stay for the night.. " Aqua - Turn Back Time https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXJCTyg4lqk |
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